Lucky 7 +5=12 + Daddy = Lucky 13 – Mom

My oldest daughter the storms that I have tried to weather with her. The rain never stops sometimes she has dealt with the death of her Mother in her own way, trying to replace her love. She told me I want children so I want ever be alone again. Well her husband has left her with 7 children. Hiding it from me for some time now trying to do her best but almost waited too late for help. I have had my grandchildren for some time now I have almost lost everything trying to take care of them and my youngest girl, one in her freshman year one in nursing school for RN now telling Daddy she is thinking of Medical school OMG, and one recovering from SJS and wants to move back home. Etquina baby if you can hear me I will trade places with you right now but I know I can’t….Missing you with all my heart

What’s wrong Baby?

 

I’m fine. No you are not you have been real tired lately and what about that night coughing. I think something got in my throat at school, in the lab. A few days later I asked baby is something hurting you when you were dressing you look like you were having trouble lifting your arm what’s wrong? I’m fine. Later on that night caressing my wife she flinched as I held her against my chest what’s going on Bernice? My left breast is a little sore. Now you told me a 2weeks ago it was normal after the baby, but it’s been to long baby you haven’t nursed in a long time. Let me see? NO!! I’M OK!! No you are not now let me see your breast turn on the light. NO! You think I haven’t been watching you I know when something is wrong with you turn on the dame light and let me see. This is why you have been sleeping in your bra…dose this hurt here? No…How about here? Yes a little. Why are you lying? It’s ok. Look woman your breast is swollen and I can feel a hard mass it feels like a milk sack is infected but you need to make a Dr’s appointment. NO!! I’m ok it will go away. No I don’t think so you have never had this problem after any of the girls were born. I’m not going to the Dr.!! Well I will drag you to the Dr. if I have to But YOU ARE GOING!!! This went on for an hour or more but we made an appointment.

Appointment, biopsy, waiting for results, stage 4 metastatic breast cancer.  We received the protocol as she cried I held her, she said I’m not going to be a woman now you are not going to want to look at me and the girls need me I can’t deal with this, I don’t know what to do!!. Bernice I know all kind of things are running through your mind but there are 2 things you will never have to worry about me going anywhere or not wanting to look at you I love you and I married you not your breast. She laughed and said I know you love me to much are you going to be able to do this with me? I’ll be by your side every day you will get tired of me and the girls will be fine. It took all I mean all of my strength to hold back the tears but I could not let her see me cry. Later that night after I had held her in my arms until see fell off to sleep I got in my truck and went to wall mart in the parking lot where I cried like a newborn baby until I noticed my shirt was wet as though I had got caught in a rain storm the tears would not stop I got back home, trying to stop the tears before I went in the house. Tuned the key see was sitting on the stairs…have you been crying I said no. she said either you have been crying or someone hit you in both eyes well lets go to bed and from now own my lying husband we cry together you hear me?!!! Yes baby I heard you. 

Success(19)

Never giving up

LIFE

1. Life takes us through so many changes each morning we awake in the arms of a storm trying to weather the changing winds of life but when the winds subside and the storm starts to clear we reach out for that glistening ray of sunshine hoping for change only to see the sky’s darken with night as the moon flows into view we pray for tomorrow the storms no longer matter we just want to awaken to see another day of changes in the weather of life.

Hello world!

This blog was created in the remembrance of Etquina B. Holdness, loving caring Mother and extremely missed Wife. A truly dedicated chemistry teacher, science department head and working on her PHD in chemistry. She lost her battle with breast cancer March 19, 2003 in my arms 2:56am, survived by Husband and 5 daughters. I would like to be able to share our 8 year battle with breast cancer as well as being a single Dad of 5 girls.

1. Daddy’s 5 Girls

   #1. Lequanta… girl only you and I know the storms we’ve faced hell an high water. Mother and going back to school I’m proud of you.#2. Araina… a few storms and Damm 2 Katrina’s but you weathered them. Sometimes you… just a pain in the azz My Chief Araina I’m proud of you.

   #3. Tiara… yah we both know Daddy’s stubborn you would say mean, where do you think you got it from
   My prof…

   essional Nurse I’m proud of you Tee go for that RN, I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT I Love You.

   #4.Endiga…as you grew you grew to understand Daddy just wanted the best for you. You knew… if I can deal with My Dad I can deal with anything that’s why I was hard on you, but I trust in you. I love you and very proud of my College Girl!!

   #5. Mia…Honor roll student. Little Mamma now a young lady knows Daddy a little too well, no matter how mad she gets at me its always good night Daddy did you eat. Love you baby I know you are going to make me proud.

   I am not a perfect Father Noir a perfect Man but I do the best I can.

BREAST CANCER

This blog was created in the remembrance of Etquina B. Holdness, loving caring Mother and extremely missed Wife. A truly dedicated chemistry teacher, science department head and working on her PHD in chemistry. She lost her battle with breast cancer March 19, 2003 in my arms 2:56am, survived by Husband and 5 daughters. I would like to be able to share our 8 year battle with breast cancer as well as being a single Dad of 5 girls.